Mother's Day Homily

Dear Father Totton,
I liked your homily humor today, and since Mother’s Day is next Sunday--I offer this revision:

A “perfect” mom preaches for only 15 minutes.
She works from 1 a.m. until Midnight at her family’s cozy home.
She makes $50 a week worth of cookies, meals, and snacks for school functions, sports teams, and neighbors with a new baby or recent hospitalization.
She gives 50 hours of service to several Catholic charities -- locally and internationally.
Her hair is always well groomed, despite having only 6 minutes of privacy in the bathroom.
She wears modest clothing, drives a used minivan, and is proud of her handbag bargain from a garage sale.
She is always out of earshot when called upon, but never loses patience with those who yell for her.
She has a burning passion to work with teenagers, but spends all her time with nursing infants.
She only cooks foods that are your favorite, while maintaining high nutritional standards for her middle-aged/high cholesterol husband.
If you too have a less-than-perfect mom, then send this letter to six other families and bundle her off to be exchanged for a more “perfect” fit. In a week, you are sure to find 976 moms who have disappeared to a beach in Barbados.